Updated: 4 May 07, 8.33pm
Dear people,

I can hear you asking: what's that unique about Malaysia? Just what is that special 'something' that makes our country stand above all others?

Well, fret no more, folks. I've compiled a list of things that paints a clearer picture of our beloved country. Remember, you heard it right here, on R.A.N.D.T.S., first...

You know you’re in Malaysia when:

• Traffic slows down on the lane you’re traveling on even though the accident occurred on the oncoming lane.

• You suddenly find that somebody has miraculously jumped to the front of the queue while waiting your turn to use an ATM.

• Sportsmen and women are feted like kings and queens for their outstanding achievement in ONE tournament, which effectively kills off their chances of winning any future tournaments (yes, I’m looking at you Koo-Tan).

• Our tourism minister gets uptight because our taxi drivers don’t know exchange rates. Personally, I don’t ask taxi drivers these kinds of things, but what do I know?

• You get to watch a movie weeks before its official premiere in cinemas.

• The government orders 300 combat vehicles only to find them out of operation months later because some genius forgot to order spare parts.

• Election time sparks a full scale riot involving bottles, sticks and stones. Out goes the notion of us being a developed nation...

• The thrill of watching shows are absolutely spoiled because the subtitles provide you with a sneak peek of what the actor/actress is going to say in about 20 seconds time...
  

• The censorship board decides to censor everything under the sun, leaving only the opening and closing credits untouched. Erm, on second thoughts, they’ve actually censored the credits of a movie before.

• A 30-minute news comes in between a two-hour movie, even though the movie has only 5 minutes of running time left.

• People park their cars on a road which has only two lanes, thus clogging up traffic for miles and miles.

• Our Prime Minister, while delivering his speech from his ultra-modern office located at Putrajaya, cowers in fear, wondering whether the poorly maintained roof will fall down on him

• The people are obsessed with free stuff. And things that are close to, but not quite, free (have you seen the crowds at malls when a promotion is going on??? Obscene). [Thanks Hui Wen]

• The personality of our people changes whenever they get behind the wheel of a vehicle. [Thanks Brian!]
  

• People stuff themselves to the brim whenever they get to an open house. (yes, yes... don't deny it, folks!) [Thanks Comrade].