I suppose this post has been a long time coming. It's like a letter you wrote one hot dusty afternoon, only to stop at the postbox, then dump it into the trash can beside it. Somehow, no matter how long you think about what to say and how to say it, the words never come out right. But they say if flowers waited till everything was just perfect before they blossomed after the long winter, then we'd never see spring at all.
It's been a long time since we started RANDTS. A lot of things have happened since then. We've seen members come and go as well as visitors drop by and leave. We've even had controversy drop by once in awhile for the occasional cup of tea. And still we weathered it all.
By this time, you might be wondering, "What's this guy comin' back all of a sudden? It's not like he cares about the blog anyways..."
That's true. If I'd cared I'd have been posting frequently. Trying to fan the flame even as our heads were repeatedly dunked into buckets of cold water. I'd have been there in RANDTS' darkest hour trying alongside you guys to keep the passion going, keep the momentum up.
But the hard fact is I didn't, did I?
It's like waking up from a bad dream only to see the mask of a killer you thought you'd never see again. The glint of the jagged blade in the darkness, your scarlet blood upon the sheets and the knife. You clutch your belly to find your guts were ripped out while you were in the nightmare. As your life force ebbs away and you fade painfully into oblivion, the killer - mockingly, haughtily, dishearteningly - removes his mask. Then you realize all this while you've been afraid of your own reflection in the mirror. Was I the person who stabbed myself in the back, unknowingly?
What prompted me to write this post? Perhaps the amount of resentment, sadness - disappointment? - that is now plain for all to see on the blog. Even the message on the bulletin board below the ever-changing banner seems like a mockery of the shadow RANDTS has become. But no, that still wasn't what hurt me the most.
It was a friend that I know. Or knew, depending on who you asked. A close friend. A good friend. Many months ago he inspired me, and many others, with a heart-warming tale of triumph in adversity of the worst kind. He shared with us a cheerful optimism that many others in his situation would be hard-pressed to display. He reminded us of the brittle fragility of life, and how each moment we take a breath is a moment to be savored as if it was our last. He told us the tough get going when the going gets tough. He shared with us the power of faith and love and family, and how these continue to be his pillars in life, providing him with the strength to pull through a life most others wouldn't consider worth living.
I saw him as a God, a hero, a true man among men. He inspired me, as he has undoubtedly inspired many others. I was touched by his sheer willpower and spirit, and looked to him as a guiding light when the world is descending into darkness.
It was only recently that I saw my hero give up hope. Not because he was at death's doorstep. Not because he suffered the loss of a family member. But because I failed to commit to the vision that I and two others had created. He gave up because I did too.
How else do you convey emotions in an email? Electrons cannot show you shed tears or distant laughter. Electrons moving at lightspeed don't know the meaning of a smile in a group photo, or the hidden jokes associated with the size of the blade you hold. Electrons shooting around the world and back can only do so much to send a message, but it is memories that do the rest of the work.
Mea culpa.
For awhile I held hands and rubbed shoulders with some of the most vibrant and unique people in the world. For awhile we traded inane stories, sexy pictures, lengthy essays, fiery rants, perfect pictures, informative articles, and so many more things. For awhile I was proud to call myself a RANDTSter...
...and honestly? I still am.
Perhaps it is time we gave this blog a little peace and quiet while we start looking in ourselves and seriously ask what it is we really want out of RANDTS.
Now, I think I know what I want. Maybe not a 100%, but even an inkling's good enough. I seriously have no idea what kind of response I can expect to this post. Regardless, the burden is mine to bear. It was my fault, and for that I apologize. I'm sorry I left in your hour of need. I'm sorry I shirked my responsibilities as founding father of RANDTS. I'm sorry I ignored the blog for so long.
But most of all, to all of you here who've been here with RANDTS and I from the start - especially Albert and Jaspreet - I'm sorry for hurting you, and for that I seek your forgiveness .
Lastly, I have this to say: call me idealistic, but even after the coldest darkest winter, flowers still break through the frost and blossom into majestic beauty, heralding the beginning of spring. I'm here hoping winter ends soon... and that spring will come with the dawn of the new sun. I'm ready to rebuild the ruins of RANDTS and start anew. After all, that's what spring is about, isn't it - nature getting a brand new start?
Thank you one and all.
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;;Hi everyone! I haven't posted anything for so long. Really sorry for not contributing anything to the blog. I just thought about something & decided to post it. I assure it it won't be the last post. (^__^)
Old friends. New friends. I'm sure everyone has it. Ever since we were young until now, we have gained so many friends. Some might be your friend at school, some might be your neighbour & some might even be a person you just happen to meet. We learn a lot from friends. We learn how to share our stuff with them, share secrets & even share a common hobby or a liking. I remembered we used to say that our friendship last forever. We will be friends to the very end. But how can you make sure that really happens?
Maybe it's just me but I notice as time goes by....the friends we use to know will slowly be forgotten & we will make new friends. Old friends being replaced with new ones? That sounds kind of rude, don't you think? Sounds like a friend is alight bulb waiting to be replaced. Although it sounds kind of bad but it's true. Not many friendships can last a long time. So far the longest friendship that I have is with a friend who was with me since I was in primary school until now. But along the way, I lost contact with some friends. The bond we use to share is no longer there & they slowly drift away.
It like we don't know our friends anymore. Friends that I use to talk now seem to be strangers. All I get from chatting is simple,
Brian : hi
Friend: yo
Brian : how's life?
Friend : fine. U?
Brian : i'm ok. how the weather? over here it's raining.
Friend: the weathers fine over here.
Brian : k. what r ya doing?
Friend : sry. gtg. busy
Brian : ic. k. bb
Friend: bb
That's basically it. When I do have the time, it's like I got nothing to talk about with my friends. It feels kind of awkward. Do you guys get that kind of feeling? I don't want to lose the contact with all the friends that I've made but what should I do? I'm confused.... (>.<)''''
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;;I Need A Girlfriend
Yes. This is an advertisement.
Anyways, as some of you may know, I just got back from NS last week. Sorry, was unable to post anything, cause I just recently moved to Puchong and did not have an Internet connection until yesterday. Will post them soon.
But ya, back to the topic. I need a girlfriend.
So if any girls out there, preferably of Chinese descent, not particularly religious, more than 15 years yet less than 19, intellectual yet not bookworm-ish, less than 170cm in height, can tolerate curses, sexual discussions, and debate on both logical and nonsensical topics, not particularly flirty, and is bored or need someone to disturb you non-stop with SMS and phone calls for the next 2-3 months, and e-mail you for not apparent reason but just to say i lub u everyday after that, and believes that beauty is more than skin deep, give me a nudge.
No Jaspreet, you fit none of the criteria above, so keep your hands in your pants XD.
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;;Yay, my first rant job here! Sorry Jaspreet, its not the one you asked me to post.
Anyways, Jaspreet asked me to post my first rant job, which is basically a whole bunch of rubbish that just popped in my head out of nowhere, and apparently I posted it somewhere on the Internet, and Jas read it, and he liked it. God knows why.
Then, here I am on RANDTS, and Jas asked me to type a post regarding the advantage of Quantity over Quality of sex (specifically speaking, its the advantage of quantity of ejaculations over the length of one ejaculation, meaning how many times you can do it, instead of how long you can hold). But then I was thinking, isn't it kinda rude to jump straight into the sex train for a first post?
And again, considering the fact that I only know Albert and Jas among the 18 RANDTSters, I don't want to do something to make myself be perceived as a sex maniac as a first impression. Or maybe I already have. Oh well.
Anyhow, this is MY style of typing. I don't use flashy words. I don't use deep vocabulary like Jaspreet, so you can keep your dictionary and close that tab for Merriam Webster online. I don't like deep, philosophical crap that will blind you for the rest of the day. I go straight to the point and if I DO twist my words, don't think too much about it, it may just be because I am typing so fast I don't realize what I am talking about. Curses, preferably Chinese, are my forte, but for the sake of underaged and sensitive readers, I will censor them, and Jaspreet asked me to keep them to a bare minimum.
Ok, I have been typing 3 paragraphs full of rubbish and where the h3ll is the content?
Ok, I know, I know, so lets start.
As I was saying, I was kinda thinking about what to post as a first post. Then I saw yiwei's neglected post (it only has 1 comment... seriously... wtf???) about her relationship with this one lucky dude through SMS.
Then it got me thinking about this friend of mine who apparently got his current girlfriend, who incidentally, are both my classmates. The funny thing is, outside, you don't see them talking to each other at all. Even now. And sad to say, as a relatively close friend to the guy, suffice to say things aren't going well now that they are serious... and actually get together outside of their phone screens.
Then it also got me thinking about my OWN experience (cheh, made it sound like I so pro relationship). Long story short, suffice to say that SMS, pixels, and emoticons blinded me, and I wasted RM30 of credit on her, and a further RM106 for a confession which brought my dignity down to negative, and took more balls than the number of goals Beckham scored (no, I am talking about balls as in the thing that me and Albert has, but Jaspreet lost XD), and at the end of the day, got rejected flat in the face.
So here I am, fully understanding yiwei's situation, and surprised not many people actually bothered to address it. All I want to say is, with the advent of technology and virtual realities, our social lives have totally changed. No longer do you have to meet a person to know a person. Sometimes, a person's character is much more apparent when they are in their virtual alter egos. I, for one, actually enjoy blogging and typing rubbish in forums not only because I know no one cares if I tell them to anyone in reality that I know, but also because I can't say in words what I do want to say, without taking time and filtering/proof reading it in my head first.
To a lot of people, when you see me in reality, I am an @ssh0l3. Ask Jaspreet.
And on the Internet? Oh well, you will soon find out. Chances are, I am still an @ssh0l3.
Anyways, addressing yiwei's situation. Lets just say that, it obviously isn't easy actually communicating with the other fellow (lets just call him Hunny Bunny. Why? I don't know, maybe cause I am a retard). But suffice to say that, if you really do want to get serious with Hunny Bunny, you obviously have to get to know him in reality. Come on, don't give me that Maple girlfriend, boyfriend bullsh*t. Everyone knows it will never work out. Its just like virtual sex, fun, but pointless.
That is one barrier you have to go through, if you really want get associated with Hunny Bunny, and that is to communicate with him as how you would to your friends in real life. The other barrier you have to go through is the personality misalignment.
As I said earlier, people act differently on the phone/Internet. So you may know Hunny Bunny as a nice, intelligent, gentleman, bla bla yadda yadda, but you must also understand it may only be an image he is trying to portray himself in. OR it could also be who he really is deep inside, and in reality, he may seem like an @ssh0l3, but he may be nice and all inside. So its up to you to find out how he really is like, and that takes time AND real communication. If he acts differently/may not be as introverted/extroverted as he seems, then its up to you to be patient and see him as who he really is.
All in all, I think that its nothing to be ashamed of/scared to have a virtual based relationship. After all, its still human nature, that is to say, reproduction and continuation of the species. As to how one approaches it, that is strictly a personal method, but I think that I should give my own two cents regarding the matter.
Hey hey! Don't get me wrong, I never claimed to be a relationship expert or Casanova, but I don't want anyone else to blindly waste RM106 and time, aights?
Thats all I have to say for now. I know, I know, it bored your nuts off Jaspreet, but maybe I will post something spicier next time, k? Hey, you DID ask me to minimize the cursing, so what can I say?
Ciao all, I love everyone non-sexually/homosexually
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;;How to Be The Great Conversationalist You’ve Always Wanted
2 mad rant(s) » Add your own! RANDTed: stmaverick at 3:05:00 AM(this guide was written with the help from several sources: WikiHow, Art of Schmooze, Success Training Inc., AskMen.com, Scott H Young and The Winning Attitude)I originally put this up on my blog, but since I thought it'd be useful for a lot more people, I put it up here on RANDTS as well. =D
Don't we all know the feeling of insecurity that some of us get when we're around people? And when you're finally face-to-face with one person, all by yourselves, you're hit with the ultimate dilemma - you have no idea what to say next!
The problem of not knowing what to say to someone you've just met is more than just an embarrassing silence - it can be a severe confidence-breaker for any person who knows it all too well. If you've had this problem for awhile, isn't it time you started taking steps to change things? Here are some handy tips I've compiled from the Internet (what a useful tool it is!), coupled with my own opinions and experiences, to help you out!
Don't Panic
There's always a first time for everything. Panicking isn't really of any use to you because it doesn't improve the situation, but can do a lot to mess it up. Some people are just so nervous that they'll screw up big time that they fuss over their hair, their clothes, their hands, their food, their drink, whether they're standing too far, too close, are they giving enough attention...
Quit worrying! Go over to them, say "Hi", give your best smile - make sure it's not the kind of smile that'll scare people off with your enthusiasm! - and shake hands firmly. Look them in the eyes and introduce yourself to them.
(For those of you too shy to do so, here's a tip: look at the bridge of their nose, the spot exactly between both their eyes. That way, people will still have the impression that you're looking at them. Just remember not to stare.)
Speak slowly and audibly enough for them to catch what you're saying. You don't want to give people the impression you work on a bullet train for a living.
If there are lulls in the conversation, don't fret! Use the pause to reflect back on your conversation so far. Was there anything interesting in the conversation that you've just had? Did you miss something the other party had said earlier? Then mention it and keep the conversation going.
Don't Get Too Personal
There's always a time and place to tell people about your most heart-wrenching breakup to date, and when you're with new faces, it's never that time. Ask yourself: is that really what people want to hear?
When you're around people whom you've known for quite some time, they listen to you speak about personal matters because they already know you to some extent. When you start to get into matters that concern you around new people, they're likely to be a little apprehensive considering the fact they barely know you yet, and already you're opening yourself up for them.
People don't really learn about you from what you say. The way you say things are much more important. How you speak and carry yourself in the presence of others tells them much more about you than an hour-long narrated autobiography would. Unless you've grown up around Madonna and Elvis Presley your whole life, people aren't really that interested in you - yet.
Of course, since conversation is about two parties interacting, you'd better make sure you're learning from others about them while you're busy teaching others about you. On that note, we move on into:
Let Others Do the Work and Take Credit for It
The art of great conversation is not about doing all the talking and hogging the limelight. The trick is that most great conversationalists get others to do the talking for them. Not 'talk' as in the ventriloquist's puppet; 'talk' as in they get others to speak while they listen!
Let's face it, the most interesting topic everyone loves is the one about 'me, myself, and I'. Everyone can't resist the temptation to talk about their own lives to the whole world! Why else are personal blogs so prolific on the Internet? ;)
To get people to respond more enthusiastically to your questions, try asking more open-ended questions. These kind of questions are basically impossible to answer with just one word (unless the other person wants to come across as being impossibly dumb), and start like:
- What did you think about [blank]?
- How did you [blank]?
- What did you like best about [blank]?
- Tell me about [blank]...
When people answer these kind of questions, they tend to give long, detailed answers rather than simple ones. After that, you can pretty much set the direction of the conversation based on what they have just said. Through this method, you'll also be able to find out the other side's interests, and draw them in to the conversation even more.
Of course, looking for something to fill the [blank] parts would be pretty difficult, wouldn't it? And here's where it's important to:
Pay Attention: Be Observant
Sure, anyone can talk about the weather, but how many people would be interested in taking the conversation in a different direction from where you started? Not many, I can tell you that - not unless you combined the weather cliche with one of the questions I showed you above.
Sometimes, the easiest way to start a conversation is also the simplest. Just pay attention to your surroundings. Look for something that's out-of-the-ordinary and worth talking about. Focus on the person you're talking to; what is he/she wearing? Are there any interesting accessories that he/she's got on?
Ask about them - or better still, compliment it (sincerely, if you please - no one enjoys apple-polishing, even if they're the apple), then ask him/her about it: where it came from, for example. Then follow the steps I've shown you before and take the conversation your way.
The Art of Active Listening
Remember that being observant also means being attentive to the other party. Listening is a very powerful act that builds trust and self-esteem. These two things naturally increase as people talk to you more and more. Of course, since conversations are two-way, what you really need is the art of active listening.
Active listening means showing the other party that you've been paying attention. Listen to what they're saying, then pause momentarily (this is important) before responding to them. One effective response would be to paraphrase their words. Therefore, you'd start off with something like, "So what you're saying is ..." and you'd go on to repeat whatever they said in your own words.
(The pause is crucial because besides buying you time to formulate a reply, it also allows whatever the other party has said to sink in a little deeper so you understand them better. Plus, it shows people that you're taking them seriously and you're not just eager to get a word in for the sake of it. If you find you still don't know what to say, you could ask them to clarify what they've said, and take the conversation from there.)
Also, while they're busy talking, use occasional nods of the head, and say "Yes" or "I see" or "That's interesting". The idea is to show people that you're paying attention to them, and not thinking about something else. It's a ridiculously simple tool to get conversations going and to build new friendships.
Tell Great Stories
Some great conversationalists keep a database of funny and witty anecdotes in their head that they can relate in a conversation to lighten the mood and perk up their other party's attention. However, there's a key to just what you should say and what not to say in order not to wind up with a bored listener (or worse, more) when you're done.
- Make sure your story is interesting. Have at least a few interesting points to share in the course of your talking. Make sure it isn't long, unless you have more than one interesting point to tell. Space the interesting bits out to break the monotony and keep people hooked.
- Put the most interesting point at the end of the story. Your story should build up to the inevitable climax, not degrade gradually till it becomes a boring tale.
- Keep your story personal. Stories about yourself provide a unique insight into your characteristics and personality. Thus, you shouldn't talk about stories that happened to your friends or relatives, i.e. persons whom the people you're talking with wouldn't really know (the world isn't that small - yet). Most people don't really care about people they've never met before. Since you're there in front of them, introduce yourself to them - in a more interesting way.
- Make sure you know your stories well. Pausing to recall a part of your story detracts from the overall mood and doesn't reflect well on your part. Practice reciting these stories, and slowly accustom yourself to get the timing and emphasis right. Have several interesting anecdotes on call that you can use in conversations. One advice: don't grasp for stories. Grasping includes questions like "How was your day?" These questions should be kept as a last resort.
Be Confident!
The most important part about the whole thing? Confidence. Without the courage to go up to a person and put all that you've learned into action, everything goes to waste.
Some things to keep in mind to keep up your self-esteem and boost your confidence:
- Dress up a little. Comb your hair (or muss it up stylishly, whichever you fancy), put on some bling, a little cologne/perfume. You don't have to go overboard on style, just make sure you look good. People tend to react more favorably when they have a good first impression of you. The easiest way to gain that would be to present yourself properly.
- Wear something you're comfortable in. It doesn't matter whether it's a formal or informal event - make sure you wear something that suits you, that you like. Make sure it looks presentable, though!
- Body language is important. Stand straight, smile, and just be yourself. No point putting on airs and trying to be somebody you're not. Not only do people quickly see through this trick, they'll also get the impression that you're someone who isn't comfortable about himself.
The above three things help you to present a better image to the world at large. Also, when you look good (and know it), it helps you a little in being a little more daring, a little more confident. Coupled with the positive reaction from others around you, you'll naturally feel comfortable about yourself - and that helps in getting conversations going.
And When it Ends...
Of course, not everyone is bound to succeed all the time. Hell, I've had my fair share of awkward moments too. But remember, always keep in mind that failure's never a barrier to achieving more. It's only a sign you need more practice, and need to try more!
If you did get a conversation going - even if it was only for a short while - then kudos! You are that much closer to being a great conversationalist. Before you part with your companion, shake hands, smile, and say thank you before moving on. The least you can do is leave politely. Never think you can't do it. Most great conversationalists were not born; they were made.
Conversations with new people shouldn't have to be something arduous, like a chore. It should be something fun that we look forward to, like a challenge to be overcome. The important things to keep in mind are to keep your cool and refrain from talking too much about yourself. Get others interested in you by getting them to do the talking, then listen attentively to them. Share interesting anecdotes with your partners, and dress well to give them a good first impression.
Hope this guide helped you out, and good luck in all your endeavors!
Note from the blogger:
This is my first How-To guide. Comments and feedback from all of you would be really appreciated. Is there anything I could improve on? Do you have any requests or suggestions on other How-To guides you'd like to see? Please comment and help me improve my writing. Thank you! :)
Cheers,
Jared
~verus rara avis~
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;;
From left, Sukanya, Suga and Albert (SSA). Friends forever just like juggernaut loves to say.
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;;Of course, different people have different views on life. But let me stress here that in no way is life that miserable to the point that you can just take your life away from yourself.
I'm sure that a lot of us, maybe all of us, have felt at one point of life that life just doesn't seem worth living at all because of some high-level depression, relationship problems, life struggle and so on. Not that I've not felt suicidal before, but that does not constitute the reason why I should stop living and decide on what is supposedly the "best" for me.
Suicide may seem to be the easy way out, but it isn't. Indeed, it takes a lot of courage to put an end to their own lives, but I'm strictly discouraging anyone from committing suicide. If you are feeling suicidal, go talk to somebody about your problems. Consult a psychiatrist if you need to. The problem is that many people think consulting a psychiatrist is only necessary if the person has a "loose nut" in the head. That is not necessarily so. A psychiatrist can act as a counsellor who gives advice when it comes to life issues.
Besides, is there any problem that just cannot be solved? No, not at all. In fact, with patience, strength, determination and the courage to face the problem, all can be solved given some time.
Most importantly, one should know that committing suicide isn't the solution to all your problems. In fact, it creates more problems and it is an act of escaping or running away from them. Why run? Are humans not created to withstand stress and solve problems? After all, nobody has ever said that life is a bed of roses (they contain thorns waiting to prick you here and there).
Most of the suicide cases happen because of relationship problems. I mean, can you count how many suicide cases are due to relationship problems? No, it's uncountable. Just to name one example, remember Leslie Cheung?
Being in a relationship is like standing on delicate ground; you'll never know when you might step into quicksand. But when some people do, they don't shout for help, they just let themselves sink. Or some of them think that they are able to get out themselves. For those who are able to do so, very well! This will add to their experience and maturity. For those who are not, they can still be saved if they shout, otherwise they will just sink to oblivion (OK, maybe not).
No doubt, a person who is in a relationship will or may face many problems (*recalls his own relationship*. Strange... I never had any. Seriously!). Sometimes, those problems can stress an individual up so much that they are at their wits' end. They go into long-term depression and when they can't handle it, they "kiss" all of us goodbye.
Look, life is more than just a relationship. I would advise that being in a relationship is strictly OK, provided you really know your priorities. I say "really" because a lot of people think and say they know what their priorities are but they fail to uphold their words miserably.
At our particular age, getting involved in a relationship is normal, but I would advise not too emotionally attached or dependent. This might seem harsh but pray read on. Relationships, like life, are not a bed of roses. When things go wrong, and I mean wrong, it will hurt emotionally and even psychologically, some even physically. When things do go wrong, depending on how emotionally attached are you to your partner, it can affect the level of emotional distress you experience.
Sometimes, when things do go wrong or when you are facing a dilemma, it is time to step out from things for a while and look into them; you might get a clearer picture of what is happening and what you should be doing. Also, when one is in some sort of dilemma, often you choose to stay in the "grey" area waiting for things to happen so that you can decide the next step. I suggest don't. Staying in the "grey" area for a long time, to me, is equivalent to escaping from the problem itself. Stepping out of the "grey" area would allow you to face the problem directly and deal with it. It is indeed easier said than done, but if you don't even give yourself a chance to try and step out of things, you'll never know if it's "easier said than done" or "easier done than said".
No matter what the circumstances are, in no way is it justified for a person to commit suicide. If anyone here does contemplate to take his or her own life, halt your intentions and ask yourself these: Is it necessary? How will other people react? Will my problems be solved? What about my loved ones? etc.
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