I was tagged by Henry who was tagged by Jared who was tagged by Jasmine.
So here goes... BANZAI!
(FYI the numbering is in romanised Punjabi. Enjoy!)
Ek. I am NOT gay...
Or bisexual or a fetishist. Neither am i an Eunuch or a Transvestite or under any other sexual subgroup. I am merely a well endowed heterosexual man who likes women in the way most men like women (no i am not being sexist either). Sorry to disappoint those who i might have disappointed, disappointingly. Especially you Shiny-O. >;P
Dho. I hate to hate.
But i love to love. No i do not love to hate. But i do hate those that hate to love. Simple no? Yea well, we Bhais are simple folk after all. (Hater Hurter) =D
Teen. I wish i could be a Scholar, a very rich scholar.
I like languages. I like Poetry. I like literature. I like to read and write. I would love to sit around in my Hugh Hefner Bathrobe in a giant wingback chair smokin pot, drinking Bailey's/Brandy/Tea/(insert cliche English beverage here) while reading some 13th century leather bound book. So yes a scholar then... ^-^
Char. I hate religion.
Don't get me wrong though. Its not God who i have a problem with (although i would like to give him the proverbial Bhai sized knuckle sandwich someday). Its the somewhat less divine race of men who i have a problem with. Why? Because we all preach unity and then turn about and segregate ourselves in His name. <- The Original Blasphemy. _|_ -_- \m/
Panj. Trust me, I am a liar.
I absolutely adore conventional wisdom. Why? Because it makes me sound smart/deep/wtvr. and because it does bring some semblance of simplicity in this complicated world. Owh n btw... at least I'm an honest liar. ;P
Chee. I am NOT brave.
Yes Shine i still recall you complimenting the size of my testicles. Why? Because Bravery is the will to act against your fear. I know not fear, and so cannot be brave. And even if i do have a fear, i do not know it. :)
Satt. I will be a doctor. (<- Hope)
Why? Because i wanna be RICH! And i wanna siphon the sick of their MONEY! Muahahahaha!...
But seriously, i have always been intrigued by the role of the medic/priest/healer/(insert fantasy restore class character of your choice here). I want to heal the world. And i want to do it one person at a time. () :D
Atth. I hate to tag ppl.
So i shall not. If any of you desire to share your eight random facts please do so and notify me. I am curious myself. (actually i just ran out of things to say but wtvr rite?) :P
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;;Yeap. Thats right. Believe it or not. Existence as you know it is THE lowest rung on the metaphysical level of all things good, bad and shine.
Why you ask? Well let me enlighten you.
First we look at Hell's composition. Fire, Brimstone, Demons, Gore, Suffering bla bla bla (insert Sunday school image of choice here)
You get the picture right?
Now try imagining each of those elements...
I guess you could say its a lot like this...
Look familiar? You'd bet your last pair of panties yes!
So... if hell is here then where is good ol' planet Bob?
Well... Let me say this;
People we do not elect rule the through sheer tyranny and the whip that is political correctness.
Of all things that are certain in this world inevitable eventual failure will ALWAYS be one of them.
God appeared to us "ONCE" in mortal form and we crucified him.
And well nobody's perfect. And we WERE created in Gods image. Ipso-facto he ain't perfect either. All powerful sure. Sadistic sure. But perfect? Pshaw!
Perfection is a hoax. How can everyone be perfect? Be PERFECTLY pure and PERFECTLY corrupted all at once? Pure Corruption i say.
God created all things. Perhaps. Which means he created evil too. Sure he gave us that carrot on a stick you people call hope but seriously; the murderer who grows flowers is still a murderer first and foremost. So...
Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then is he impotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then is he malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Whence then is evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?
Don't get me wrong. I bet most of you are thinking why the fuck the "Turbanator" bothers with his cultural mane of furry fur when he rants so much about hating the big Kahuna? Well you just answered your own question. Culture and Religion are two different concepts that are two separate, though significantly interwoven, entities. Sorta like politics and lying.
I keep my beard as a sign of respect to my forefathers. It is a symbol of my people. A part of their identity. Not a sign of my devotion to any one deity.
Also i cannot for the life of me understand the concept of faith. What i say i believe and all is forgiven? I say i believe and i am accepted? Why does God ask this of us? Does the father ask the fetus to show faith of existence outside the womb before he may be born?
Or worse. The fanatics. If you are not of our faith you are doomed to hell! And so we convert. Insincerely choosing a faith over gospel truth. Thats okay? What kind of segregation is this?
Didn't god want us all to be together? One big happy incestuous family? Then why the prohibition of inter marriage? More shit from the bull i say!
Conclusion; I hate God. Why? Coz he deserves it. What right do i have you ask me? What right don't i have? He put me in this shithole! I dint ask for any of it. Didn't anyone ask what I wanted? Sorry let me rephrase; Did anyone who gives a shit and actually makes an effort to help ask what i wanted?
P.S. This was a rant. I don't give a quarter pound of turd whether you were offended. So there! Swallow it.
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;;
Sorry if the quality of the picture isn't good, I took a photograph of the picture, no scanner at the moment. But after so long, here's a drawing I want to share with all of you. Something that I came up with around a year and a half ago.
Sometimes things happen, and people pledge to change. But for better or worse we never will know. Change is so subjective, anything is possible. Look back at all those friends you had from high school/primary, did they turn out to be who you expected them to be? I've had friends who changed from being bullies to fairly nice people. I've had those who utterly ruined their lives.
So delicate aren't we humans?
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Hi,everyone! I know I haven't been committing myself to RANDTS for quite sometime. I'm gonna contribute more starting from now. Got a test tmrw & I just thought of posting something just to get my mind off of it.
I'm sure everyone knows who is Garfield. We all seen him on the cartoon strips in the STAR news paper. We even saw Garfield in the movies, a CG version of Garfield. I downloaded a collection of Garfield comic strips that dated from 1978 to 2002. I love Garfield because of his funny jokes & how he handles his life in his own way. I love the character because we both share the same problem....We hate Monday!! Monday is where class begins! Monday is where Sunday ends! Monday means the start of a long & busy week! Here's a few pictures of Garfield expressing his hatred for Mondays' :
This are just a few of the comic strips that show how much Garfield hates Monday. Here is another treat! I think I found the real life version of Garfield. I saw this fat orange cat in a shop one day. I could have sworn it looked a little like Garfield. Here's some pictures of it. It's got the colour, it's kind of fat, it was lazy to move & always lays around.
*Me giving the cat a belly rub.
*The cat was waving it's paws back & forth...I wonder why it did that? (O_o)"?"
What do you think of Garfield's idea about Mondays? Does anyone share the same feeling like me about Monday? (^__^) If you do, please do tell.
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;;
courtesy of Anniecounie
if there’s one thing i hate, its discrimination. by race, gender, age, body size, sexual profile, capability etcetc. i hate it sooo much. i find people who discriminate are total losers. especially when they started to get very mean and being such an asshole.
just like this one group which was shamelessly created by a bunch of schoolmates of mine after getting inspired by telling the whole world about their hatred towards a fellow classmate due to his sexual profile. sure he might be outspoken. but you dont have to be mean.
anyway, i went to the group and got apart of it because i want to write about my opinions regarding a topic saying that Sissys are the main AIDS transmitter. and all the sudden, some of them was being nasty with me coz they said im some spy or something (its HILARIOUS!) because im like really close with the guy.
go read.
[ my current music : when we die - bowling for soup ]
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;;Hi everyone! I haven't posted anything for so long. Really sorry for not contributing anything to the blog. I just thought about something & decided to post it. I assure it it won't be the last post. (^__^)
Old friends. New friends. I'm sure everyone has it. Ever since we were young until now, we have gained so many friends. Some might be your friend at school, some might be your neighbour & some might even be a person you just happen to meet. We learn a lot from friends. We learn how to share our stuff with them, share secrets & even share a common hobby or a liking. I remembered we used to say that our friendship last forever. We will be friends to the very end. But how can you make sure that really happens?
Maybe it's just me but I notice as time goes by....the friends we use to know will slowly be forgotten & we will make new friends. Old friends being replaced with new ones? That sounds kind of rude, don't you think? Sounds like a friend is alight bulb waiting to be replaced. Although it sounds kind of bad but it's true. Not many friendships can last a long time. So far the longest friendship that I have is with a friend who was with me since I was in primary school until now. But along the way, I lost contact with some friends. The bond we use to share is no longer there & they slowly drift away.
It like we don't know our friends anymore. Friends that I use to talk now seem to be strangers. All I get from chatting is simple,
Brian : hi
Friend: yo
Brian : how's life?
Friend : fine. U?
Brian : i'm ok. how the weather? over here it's raining.
Friend: the weathers fine over here.
Brian : k. what r ya doing?
Friend : sry. gtg. busy
Brian : ic. k. bb
Friend: bb
That's basically it. When I do have the time, it's like I got nothing to talk about with my friends. It feels kind of awkward. Do you guys get that kind of feeling? I don't want to lose the contact with all the friends that I've made but what should I do? I'm confused.... (>.<)''''
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;;
my friend rachel, with the doll during Inter-School Drama Competition
my drama teacher was like telling the drama team about his hope for us to perform for the school. i cant wait. i just cant wait to show everybody my talents. hohohoh... :p
anyway, something funny happened yesterday.
so i went to school right, the usuals, monday blues and all. heavy bag filled with TONS of books. then out of the blue, the school speaker started talking, "attention to all form 5 and upper 6, please proceed to the school hall with your chairs and notebooks."
now, we knew it was some motivation talk. so as boring as that sounds, we kinda felt happy because, duh, NO CLASS!
usually, motivational talks would only last until recess. but when the motivator told us that we'll be there till school ends, our jaws literally dropped! "crap! this is going to be HEELLLLLLL..."
but then again, the motivational talk wasnt all bad. in fact, it was kind of interesting, since the motivator is really charismatic and all. we loved him, and he, loved us.
i mean, seriously... have you ever meet any motivator who would use a sharp knife to explain to us what bravery is???? its crazy i know.
ANYWAY, im gonna do my FIRST VBLOG, but i dont know what topic should i talk about. so i need your help.
help me pick which of the following topics i should talk about...
01 Jasmine's top 5 favorite items
02 Jasmine's all time collections
03 Jasmine's favorite places to hang
my vblog will be uploaded here, as well as my blog.
choose people!!!!
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;;Heres something i ripped from Bash. Its a comedy site thats as funny as hell... so here goes... just to entertain you guys! ;P Visit it sometime, not all the stuff is funny... but like these there are always a few gems lying around.
Enjoy! =D
Now, I’m sure many of you have encountered little shits in supermarkets. Little kids running about and knocking things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you know the kind. But the worst are the biters. Yes, those little cunts that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like it.
Okay, here’s the best part. A biter got me today when I was grocery stopping. He broke the fucking skin, too. This was when the gears started turning, the moment I saw a tiny sprickle of blood on the little shit’s teeth as he was grinning at me like the little cunt he is. I made my eyes get wide, and started screaming “SHIT! SHIT!.” Now, my good friend, Tom we’ll call him, was there too, and he instantly picked up on it. He started shouting “HOLY SH*T! MAYBE HE DIDN’T GET IT! FUCK! FUCK!.” By now, the kid is scared shitless and starts crying, and instantly, Mizz Mom appears out of nowhere and starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid.
Here’s the kicker, I look her straight in the eye and say, “Ma'am, get your son tested as soon as possible, he just bit me and I’m… I’m HIV POSITIVE.”
And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire store. The brat knows he just fucked up big time because his mom isn’t defending his ass. She just stares at me wide eyed. I walk away from them, buy my shit from the wide eyed cashier, all the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice little trail on the floor. And, just s we leave, we start to hear the mother sobbing. Sobbing like the cunt she is.
I have never felt any more satisfaction than the moment I heard that sob.
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Who decided your future? You? Or did you take up something that satisfied your parents' wishes?
Be careful of whom you aim to please with your actions. As Eries said,
In the end, I do not know if I’m happy because I truly am or I am trying to make people happy. Is making people happy, making oneself happy?
As much as your parents want you to succeed, make sure you yourself have an interest in what you will be studying. You do not follow a future others dictate - not even your parents - simply because they prefer you take it.
Take the time to go in-depth into what you plan to do later on in life. Study places to further your studies in your chosen field, find out what your course will be about, look up possible career opportunities. The Star newspaper offers occasional supplements about institutes of higher education in and out of the country.
Most importantly, don't go about making uninformed decisions, i.e. choose to be a singer merely because you want to be rich and famous like all of them on TV. If you can convince your parents that you truly have a passion for it, that you know your stuff and the possible risks, they will be more than happy to let you go for it.
~verus rara avis~
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;;A friend of mine recently told me some things interesting about the African guys studying in our local varsities. With all the hidden prejudices he said that an African guy will only be your friend (applies only to guys) if:
- He wants your money. - In my experience the few Africans I talked to seemed to have a strong affinity to money. My friends also talk about how some African guys are so interested in borrowing money.
- He wants to know your girlfriends (not in the passionate sense). - It's a fact that some African cultures are offensively misogynistic.
- You are African. - What do you expect when the idiom "birds of a feather flock together" almost always holds true (at least not for me).
- He wants your backside (another friend added in a "racist" manner)
~multum parvo~
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;;Yes thats right you heard me. The The Juggernaut has been stopped dead... (ironic innit? ;P) But fear not my darlings for i shan't abandon thee so easily... Just to occupy u guys in the meantime check this out! Here are some songs that i currently like/am listening to/are on my playlists... ;D
Enjoy! ;p
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;;i have this new photo-editting software, so i decided to do some fooling about. i got inspired by the colors in huiwen's pictures in the previous post. so i decided to do some color effects as well.
not much. but quite okay i guess.
anyway, guess who wrote me back? Daphne Iking! if you dont know her, well, she's a model cum host cum emcee cum everything else. haha. she hosted THE BREAKFAST SHOW in NT7, used to host MONEY MATTERS and EXPLORACE. and a few more, but i forgot. but yea.
i love her work and hope to be like her one day. she's such an inspiration.
go to my blog to see what she wrote to me. :)
till then, take care y'all!
love,
jasmine
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;;
A Dark Archon from the Starcraft Universe. Who here can't wait for Starcraft II like me?
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;;I am a huge fan of Indie Rock. For your information, Indie Rock is a genre of alternative rock that primarily exists in the independent underground music scene. "Indie rock" is shorthand for "independent rock", for many of its artists are or were unsigned or signed to independent record labels, rather than major record labels. It is not strictly a genre of music (although the term is often used to reference the sound of specific bands and the bands they have influenced), but is often used as an umbrella term covering a wide range of artists and styles, connected by some degree of allegiance to the values of underground culture, and (usually) describable as rock music. You can find more Indie bands from mypace coz you can host your own band page where you upload your music on it and people stream it at the end of the day.
I'm always listening to... bands like Dashboard Confessional, The New Amsterdams, Nada Surf, The Honorary Title and etc..
I stream Indie music from HERE weekly to know more incredible music from the underground that rocks my socks off. Most of the songs here are from One Tree Hill. And i do love songs from The O.C. I'm crazy over these 2 drama series. Haha.. That made me visit these sites to check out MORE Indie music from each and every episode.
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;;Hi people! Sorry for not posting as frequently as I should, considering I'm probably one of the "free-er" members of RANDTS. Anyway, this is a random thought which I'd like your opinion on...
Last night, I had a pretty good sms conversation from 10p.m. till 12a.m.. Bear in mind that I only had ONE conversation with the person previously. That verbal conversation was on mundane matters i.e. tuition, school, etc.
The question now is: will we talk as freely face-to-face like how we sms-ed? I find myself being able to chat with certain people online or via sms but have nothing to say when meeting them in person. Why is this so?
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;;With just a little bit of inspiration, you can write whatever you want, do whatever you want, dream whatever you want as long as it serves a good purpose and pose no harm to society. I think other RANDTSters need some inspiration to be back on track.
Earlier (weeks ago?), I had a chat with Joe. I talked about reluctant I was towards RANDTS and he told me to write something about inspiration. And, here I am, writing about inspiration. Funny thing, isn't it? What is inspiration? Is it the one little kick in life that gets you going on in doing great things or perhaps its just another spice which keeps the essence in life flowing? It can't be seen and its feeling can hardly be described. It is really amazing(to me) how one event can place great importance to someone to continue striving.
I've been wondering. Where do we go or who do we look for when we need inspiration? One may be inspiring to me but might not be inspiring to another. At moments when we need that jolt, how do we get it? Should we wait until we hit rock bottom, then only do we start to make more effort?
Actually, I've posted this in my blog but I decided to share it here; with you guys. After editing two times in an hour, I managed to come up with this. I was inspired by a couple of friends then to write about love; sad love story anyone? I know it sounds kind of cheesy but this sure can give some of you a good laugh especially when it's coming from someone like me. :D
Banjir Cinta Yang Sepi
Malam berlalu…
Yang membanjiri mindaku;
Adalah memori cinta…
Cinta yang sedih;
Cinta yang pedih;
Cinta yang ku nanti;
Cinta yang tiada kembali.
Tidak mu rasa;
Tidak ku paksa;
Tidak ku benci;
Tidak ku cari.
Bak dicuri, bak diketepi…
Nantian yang tiada akhirnya;
Kepahitan yang tiada perginya;
Terukir di sudut hatiku;
Perasaan yang tiada pun tahu
tapi aku…
Tidak ku sesal;
Tidak ku kesal;
Hanya ku kenang;
Banjir cinta yang sepi…
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;;Date: 23rd of May 2007
Time: 0145 hours
Listening to: Ireland - Of Legend And Lore (Robert Smith)
Current mood: Lost and disillusioned (Wordpress is down, so I can't blog in mine)
Just so you know, I've just completed five out of six exam papers and my last one isn't due until this Saturday. So, I have about three days to catch up with Geology. The last examination I had was Statics of Rigid Bodies, and I must admit it wasn't an easy exam at all. Not that the examination was hard, but it was because we could not really comprehend what our lecturers have taught. Somehow, we found it quite hard to understand too many different ways of solving a problem at one go.[...] how love feels is definitely much to the individual's taste and liking.
Nevertheless, I'm not here to bore you about my examinations. As far as I'm concerned, once they're over, they are really over. There's no use thinking about them at all.
I've been watching the 23rd episode of Heroes (that's the last episode for the first season), and a few scenes struck my mind. I've also been chatting with a university mate whom I've not been meeting for quite some time, and we spoke about how things have generally gone wrong this semester.
The first thing I'd like to talk about is love. In Heroes episode 23, there is a mention about a person who is able to love unconditionally. It strikes me that all of us are able to love someone, but how many can love unconditionally? You can interpret love as love between a guy and a girl, sibling love, parental love, love between friends, whatever type of love you like, but how many of us can claim that when we love someone, it is unconditional? That means there is no particular expectation or perhaps even preferences from the other parties? It's almost impossible. No matter how much we love a particular community or individual, we would definitely expect something in return. Let's take a love between a guy and a girl as an example. When both individuals fall in love, you would expect the other party to stay faithful and loyal, wouldn't you? It might not count as a condition, but let us take that as just a small example.
I have a few people asking me what love is. To be honest, I cannot really tell you what love exactly is. It is not something that everybody feels in common, meaning to say different people view love in a very much different perspective. We know how is it like to feel happy, sad, disappointed, but how love feels is definitely much to the individual's taste and liking.
We could say that love is a strong emotion where it does not involve a single individual, but at least two or more. Love is often followed by interest in that particular community or individual, and as the saying goes, love is often blind. Yes, no matter how sound your mind is, when one is in love, your vision is blinded. You cannot deny me that, especially those who have been in love. So, here I leave you with all your thoughts about love. Much has been said in a lot of our posts on love, and I've got a lot to say about this subject. I've written three posts on it in my blog: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 (proves how much I've got to say about love) and it is all based on my opinions purely. You may or may not agree with me.
Moving onto another topic now. Most of us have already moved into a new phase of life: life of a student pursuing tertiary education. In other words, most of us are already in college or university; some of us have already started our undergraduate studies (Jared, Joe, I Brian [Gungrave1988], Albert [Comrade Cripple], etc.) and we are bound to undergo some adaptations in life. For those whose university is far from home, or those who live within the campus, friends are like the second family. I don't know how you would view your friends in university if you are living within the campus, but to me, friends are like my second family.
I'd say they're like my second family because it is friends whom I would turn to for just about anything, whether I need advice, help, or just to talk. You couldn't imagine your university life without friends, could you?
So, what is the main purpose of having friends? In fact, what is the main role of a friend? Is it just to keep each other company? Is it just to share problems? Is it just for social purposes? Is it to ask for assistance when one is in trouble? Is it to be there for you when you are down, upset, betrayed, etc.? Well, it is pretty much so, but to me, a friend is more than that.
Most of us would not think highly about friends because they are just like people who co-exist with us and work together with us. But in my opinion, a friend is one who is able to change your life. Whether you like it or not, at some point of your life, you would feel that friends mould your personality. People say that parents do most of the moulding. True enough, but we (friends) have the tendency and even ability to be more influential, and a lot of people tend to exemplify their friends, emulate them. Friends can also determine who you really are.But in my opinion, a friend is one who is able to change your life.
But there comes a problem when one cannot determine which friend is loyal and which is not. There are some friends who even tell their close ones that they will not desert them no matter what the circumstances are, or that if their friends fall, they would either pull them back up or fall together with them (the "If you drown, I drown with you" kind of attitude). Yes, even I have said such words before, but to the many of those who utter such words, how many can keep them?
The main dilemma to a lot of people would be to tell apart which friends are true and loyal ones and which are not. That only you can decide for yourself. There are many friends around you, and you alone have the capability to tell apart true and loyal friends from the not.
So, what is a true friend? Or who is a true friend? In my context, a true friend is one who cares about his friends and is not afraid to tell people the truth, even though it hurts like a double-edged sword. I appreciate friends who are daring enough to tell me what wrong have I done straight in my face. Sure enough, I'd be hurt by such words, but knowing that they are kindly intended, give their words some thought and you would be hurt no more. Besides, better to hurt me and bring me back to reality than to let me continue suspend in the world of fantasy, isn't it?
As a friend, I believe that I have a very important role to play. I treasure my friends very much for my circle of friends is particularly small. My principle in friendship is to maintain a "How can I help you?" type of attitude. I love my friends just as much as I love my family. I feel that my friends are equally as important. Besides achieving academic excellence in university, it's friends who are keeping me alive; it's friends who are also giving me the reason to study in where I am now.
All these are just my two cents worth. Any difference in opinions are much appreciated in the comments section.
Date: 23rd of May 2007
Time: 0350 hours
Listening to: Kiss of a Rose (Seal)
Current mood: Indifferent (Wordpress is finally up.)
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;;Date: 19th of May 2007.
Time: 2130 hours
Listening To: Quando, Quando, Quando (Michael Buble & Nelly Furtado)
Current mood: Bored, melancholic, nostalgic.
I'm so sorry that I haven't been posting anything in RANDTS at all this week or two. You see, examinations have started and have yet to finish. In fact, I still have two more papers to go, notably Statics of Rigid Bodies (Tuesday 9.00 a.m.) and Geology (Saturday 2.30 pm). Both papers are three hours long each.
So, just a little information update here. You might be interested to know that recently I had a bad food poisoning. It was during my first day of examinations (thankfully it was after the paper). I went back to my room and felt exhausted. So, I slept and woke up at about 5.30 p.m. to a great pain in my abdominals. So, I went to the toilet and dear me! It was really diarrhoea. But it was more than just diarrhoea. I unknowingly lost a lot of fluid in my body, too. Still, with a bad stomach, I went out to dinner with Joe and before I could go any farther into the cafe, I almost passed out twice. Thankfully, I had two cups of tea after that and bought a big bottle of water. Obviously it was due to loss of fluid that made me almost lost consciousness. What did I eat? Well, I had roti sardin for breakfast, so what do you think?Also, I look forward to some enjoying moments of holiday. I plan to join a church camp but I'm not sure if I can make it (for the camp registration; I asked but still haven't received any response yet. Will wait, though). It will be held on the 5th to the 6th of June. And I certainly am looking forward to another RANDTS gathering in KL on the 2nd of June, I was told. I hope I really can make it. I plan to kill two birds with one stone. What's the plan? You will know when we RANDSTers meet.
As for now, I don't really know what I'm thinking. I seem to be thinking but it also seems like everything is just empty. I have nothing to talk about already, I have barely anything to write about. Even with anybody, I have barely anything to say except for just "Hi" and "Bye". All I feel like doing now is just to go back to my old trade back in secondary school when I'm free: start composing new pieces.
I've got plenty of ideas in my mind, so much that I couldn't put them on paper. Often when I spontaneously compose a piece on the piano I would just continuously come up with new ideas. Lately, even I have been having some problems trying to play my ideas out on the local church keyboard. Hmm... perhaps I'm more suited for a piano than a keyboard. To me, the keyboard is forever a keyboard; its range simply suits me not.
I now find that quite often I'd be lost in my own thoughts. With some music on (sentimental or otherwise), I would just sit in my chair, perhaps just stare blankly into space or into the laptop and be lost in my own musings. This could be the most probable reason to why I spend less time talking and sometimes why I have nothing to say at all.
Back then when I first started my semester in January this year, I looked so much forward to it, not knowing that there were so many disasters ahead. Thankfully, I have been able to overcome all of the disasters and now all I want is an enjoyable one-and-a-half month semester break. I don't know whether I should look forward to the next semester, starting at the end of July 2007, for there are so many unknown happenings that might take place. This current semester for me has been by far the worst, with the most hectic lecture timetable, the lowest of motivation, the lowest of emotions and so on. Nevertheless, I couldn't help but hope that the next semester ahead has much better days for me as well as my friends. Ironically, many of us have been rather emotionally, spiritually and psychologically affected this semester.
Adjusting to a new, undergraduate environment? I don't think so. We never felt so bad during our Foundation semesters last year. As I thought I'd be able to get used to a similar life in university but this time as an undergraduate, it turned out that so many things took a drastic turn. Nevertheless, it has been a fruitful though painful growing process.
I'm quite tired out now. This exam stress has been taking me off bit by bit. I've never felt this exhausted and frustrated thinking about examinations. Normally I'd take my exams coolly. What has really happened, I wonder?
Signing-out time: 2150 hours
Listening to: I Want To Spend My Lifetime Loving You (March Anthony & Tina Arena)
Current mood: Sleepy, bored (in need of a conversation if there is one)
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i never did understand what ‘love’ is.
i mean, duh, i know what it is. when you talk about family love or friends loving each other, that i understand. but i just dont understand what gf-bf love is all about. it sounds too cliche and too overrated.
whenever i go to friendster profiles, i’ll always see stuff written in their comments’ section.
’sayang, i love you sooooo much.’
‘you are the joy in my life, the light of blablablala’…
you know how it goes.
and i’ll be like, ermmmmm… okaaaayy.
i mean, its not that i dont appreciate them loving each other or whatever, but i mean, i just dont get it. i do get what ‘care‘ or ‘sayang‘ means, but what i dont get is what ‘love‘ means. i know i sound all cliche and mushy at this point, but i mean, thats just it, i dont get it.
i was at a point where i had a boyfriend and was in a lovey-dovey mood. but then again, looking at friends and stuff, they’re basically addicted to their girlfriend and boyfriend. and im like thinking to myself, “omgsh.. should i be addicted to my boyfriend? should i post his picture all over my friendster profile and just brag about how great he is at kissing?“. but i dont feel like doing that, so then, im like thinking to myself, “am i a bad gifriend?“
i mean, they’re like sooo fucking in love, and here i am, laughing at how big his nose is instead of saying, how i adore his nose being big. you know what i mean? so basically, i just dont get it.
and im never a mushy person. i mean, i am, but not to the extreme mushy. i may be all romantic at some point, but ultimately, i dont like to be all mushy 24/7, it sounds too fake. i mean, i know he loves me and i love him, so must i be all, “oh sweetheart. from the very first time i lay my eyes on you, i knew you were my prince charming that has filled my emptiness in me.“. hahha.
yuck. that exactly my point. yuck.
but its like, whatever. if my thinking of a relationship should be all wacky, funny and romanticly silly, then i will go on thinking like that. being all mushy and stuff is soooo yesterday.
but then again, you are welcome to act that way if it suits you best. ;)
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