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RANDTS will last a thousand years.

- Albert

Masturbate Everyday

According to Australians (research findings) masturbation is good for health. Want to protect yourself from prostate cancer? Just masturbate at least five times a week and your risk of developing prostate cancer later in life is slahed by a third. I know this sounds hedonistic but, keeping cancer at bay never felt so good. And yes this message applies to guys only unless...... well you know what.

Tony Blair is circled in this 1975 picture.

This study may become the anathema to the message of religious leaders but I don't think people will care too much. I hope the more religious people don't find this disturbing. But, imagine your doctor telling you to masturbate everyday. That would be a shocker to some but I'm sure a smirk will emerge on many faces. The more daring one's will ask for technique. Surely there are many masturbators out there.

So, how does masturbation help reduce the risk of prostate cancer? Well, it's in the ejaculation. Ejaculation causes the bad stuff (carcinogens) to be expelled. You can say it's akin to some sort purification. Speaking of technique, the doctor will have to teach the correct method to achieve climax. Do it the wrong way and you'll run for comfort. However, don't think sex will just replace your masturbation. However, too much sex or being promiscuous isn't going to replace masturbation. In fact doing that may just finish you off later because of a 40% increase in the risk of developing prostate cancer. Beware of the microscopic creepy-crawlies. Speaking of that, why hasn't that hamsap Hugh Heffner die of cancer? Instead he still gets three girlfriends.

Looking back at history these study shows how stupid we used to be. Old medical writings claim that masturbation had horrible effects. The notable 16th century Swiss physician Samuel-Auguste Tissot warned of a "perceptible reduction of strength, of memory and even of reason; blurred vision, all the nervous disorders, all types of gout and rheumatism, weakening of the organs of generation, blood in the urine, disturbance of the appetite, headaches and a great number of other disorders". In the Victorian era, Westerners had an obsession with chastity belts especially for boys. These monstrosities forced the poor boys penis to be forever flaccid otherwise spikes would prick his member. The medical literature of the times describes procedures to prevent masturbation such as electric shock treatment, restraining devices like chastity belts and straitjackets, cauterization (ouch) or - as a last resort - wholesale surgical excision of the genitals (this is way too cruel and stupid).

Others had even wackier though less barbaric ideas. Eating a bland, meatless diet was advocated. This approach was promoted by Dr. John Harvey Kellogg (inventor of corn flakes) and Rev. Sylvester Graham (inventor of Graham crackers or today's cream crackers). Who in this day an age can believe that corn flakes and cream crackers was used to stop masturbation? It's too outlandish and ridiculous sounding. Too bad I don't know of Asian history. Perhaps people here are too secretive.

Guys will now go ahead and masturbate...............

P.S: Girls, lactating (breastfeeding) flushes out cancer causing chemicals from the breast. Anyway, there was a stupid fatwa (it was later withdrawn) from Egypt. It was stated that a man could be close proximity to an unmarried woman if she breast feeds him five times a day. Asinine!

~multum in parvo~

7 mad rant(s):

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  1. Shine said...

    TFK FTW albert!!!

    w00t w00t!!!  

  2. Arbitary Juggernaut said...

    LOL! Bert you just made Shine's day... (and month, and year, and life for that matter... ;P)

    So i guess i should get that free porn weekly subscription after all... >;D

    P.S. Whats with resident no.10 in the pic.?  

  3. weijuin said...


  4. Anonymous said...

    YOU SICK A**!!  

  5. Arbitary Juggernaut said...

    Its 'Sikh' you num-nutted cunt!


    Talk about ignorance... damn...


  6. Comrade Cripple said...

    Why bother when masturbation harms nobody?
    Save your family grief by trying to prevent cancer.
    Go ahead and masturbate.

    ~multum in parvo~  

  7. shine said...

    once again, amen to that albert  


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